The Power of Slowing Down

One would think that this past year has taught us all to slow down- and maybe that *was* the case at the beginning- when we were all somewhat paralyzed, waiting for expert answers, and guidance, as our day-to day routines abruptly came to a halt. But, what happened quickly thereafter, was that parents assumed more roles and responsibilities than even before- homeschooling & working from home (amongst 5,000 other daily tasks)- and many families felt just as busy- or busier than the pre-pandemic days.

The point is- we were busy before. We are busy now. Our culture is busy. Busyness is valued in our society, and there is emphasis and recognition in how much one can accomplish. Where is the value in slowing down? And what does slowing down actually mean? Is slowing down as a parent even possible? 

Slowing down is one of the strategies mindfulness calls for. Of course, meditation and quiet space can feel restorative but we aren’t talking about this kind of zen. We are here to explore what is reasonable and attainable for families to take into their homes.

Start here: What is mindfulness? Simple answer: Paying attention on purpose.

Mindfulness cultivates qualities such as: kindness, calmness, patience, creativity, productivity and better health- it means living in, focusing on, and aiming for understanding in the present moment.

Slowing down means cancelling out the extra noise and focusing on what is most important.

Ways to slooooooww down:

• Commit to less

It is ok to say no to the weekly zoom call if it causes an outburst in your home. It is ok to say no to joining the soccer team this season if your child wants to spend more time with their cousin on the weekends. It is ok to say no to the 30 minutes of reading on saturday. It is ok to not go to the birthday party. It is ok to make conscious, mindful decisions on how to prioritize your time. 

• W.A.I.T

This is one of our all-time favorite acronyms to share with families. It stands for “Why Am I Talking”? Imagine your child is starting to appear to be spiraling: “I didn’t get my work done and my teacher won’t accept it late and I don’t have more time to do it and I haven’t even finished reading and... and... and” Many parents hear the tone or pace of their child ramping up and know where it could lead so we try to jump in and stop it. However, if we could just let them get it all out without trying to stop it- allow their feelings. Maybe they will have a moment to consider how to help themselves. Maybe they will try one of the coping strategies we've been suggesting. If we can just pause and ask "why am I talking?" - is it in an effort to prevent a meltdown, is it because they are experiencing discomfort? is this about me or them?" we may find that giving them the time and space is more of a gift than us actually trying to solve the problem for them.

• Breathe before responding

It’s as simple as taking a literal breath (or conscious pause) before responding. Child asks for a snack. Pause before you respond. Child yells “no” at you. Pause before you respond. You notice Child’s new bike got left out in the rain. Pause before you respond. This literal breath will not only give you the space to consider an effective mindful response for each circumstance- but it will also model to your child that it is a good idea to think before speaking.

• Embrace the idea of being “good enough”

Repeat after me: presence over perfection. Let the dishes go. Let the laundry pile for another day. Go ahead and jump into another game without cleaning up the other one first. Go through the drive through. Let them watch another tv show- just give yourself grace. 

• Commit to Golden Time

Golden Time is our label for 1/1 uninterrupted time with your child. It can be 5 minutes every morning and evening. It can be 2 hours every Saturday. But… it is regular. And it is focused. That means- no cell phones, no chores, and if you want to get the MOST out of it- let your child take the lead. That means THEY choose the game, the rules, and you are the BEST playmate! How does this help us slow down? In a couple ways- it is a reminder of what is important in life. Not the dirty dishes, or the laundry piled up. It’s the smiles and giggles that keep us going on this long parenting journey. Also, Golden Time SAVES us time because it is the best kind of preventative strategy (think: filling their cup now so when I have to dump a little later they won’t be empty)- if they are feeling connected and safe with you- they won’t have as many reasons to “ask for your attention in unloving ways” :) 

To a child, LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E. At the end of the day, really, our children really just wanted to connect with us. Those 5 extra minutes of playtime, that one extra story, that meal eaten together- those are the moments- the good stuff- that keeps parents going on this long journey together. Those are the moments that matter- when everything else is stripped away and its just focused time spent together.